Self-Care Trends That Aren’t
Have you heard of “bed rotting”? What about the “Girl Dinner”? I learned about these through CNN and the New York Times, respectively, and had a visceral reaction. In a world where everything is “#selfcare” and “wellness,” it gets harder and harder for folks to distinguish between what is REALLY self-care and supportive of their well-being, and what is not. And for things that could go either way, to know where do you draw the line?
That line is the central issue of this post. But before I can help you draw that line, I first need to make sure you know what the heck I’m talking about. So let’s break it down. What is bed rotting and what is the Girl Dinner?
Bed Rotting:
It’s the new term for an old action…”vegging out”. Only, it goes beyond having a few lazy hours or a lazy day. As CNN describes it, when you bed rot, you stay in bed all day by choice. You probably have a snack or two or 20. You have your phone and/or tablet. You’re not moving around and you’re passing the day binging on streaming services and maybe food, texting, doing whatever floats your boat because it’s how you are unwinding after a long, hard week.
Girl Dinner:
It’s the new term for an old action…having snacks for dinner. As the NYT describes it, it’s throwing cheese, crackers, sliced meats, fruits, chocolate, olives and/or wine onto a plate (basically a charcuterie board) and calling it dinner. And it’s doing this in response to not having to cook for or consider anyone else’s tastes, and therefore feeling free to break from the “typical dinner” requirements because you live alone, or with other girl roomies, and/or your partner is not eating with you at that time. You can now break from the “repetitive and exhausting” chore of cooking full meals. And, in doing so, push back against the “tyranny of cooking and doing the dishes” that has long been saddled upon women.
Bed Rotting: Self-Care or No?
It depends. As they say, the dose makes the poison. Here’s the deal. Having lazy days or hours can be fantastic. Done well, it restores your mental, physical, and emotional energies. But lazy days and hours are different than sitting in bed all day. Doing that, unless you have to for medical reasons, is not healthy for your well-being.
Even on days when you don’t work out, you need to move your body. It supports blood flow, among other things. Sitting in bed all day also decreases your mental well-being, which is the opposite of what you’re trying to do.
I get it, lots of my clients when they start working with me have demanding back-to-back days, which add up to long weeks on repeat. When this happens and you aren’t tapped into healthy energy management and self-care practices, you start coping in other ways. Ways that may feel supportive but actually aren’t.
To me, bed rotting seems like a coping strategy that feels supportive but isn’t. Have a few lazy hours if you need to, but get up, move, stretch, get outside, and find ways to refill your cup that don’t involve an all-day binge on devices and food and self-imposed paralysis.
Girl Dinner: Self-Care or No?
As for the Girl Dinner, I remember a few occasions in school, before I learned how to take control over my well-being and then became a coach to help others do the same, when I ate Kraft Singles and Saltines for dinner. Maybe some grapes as well. It was quick, easy, and hit the “protein and carb” blocks (or so I thought), and school felt all-consuming. This basic snack-meal plate was all I felt I had time for.
When I read the NYT article, particularly the part about cooking and dishes being tyranny and the Girl Dinner a way of rising up against that, I reflected on my own “Girl Dinners” in the early aughts.
While it’s true that cooking and cleaning have long been deemed "women’s work", and yes there was a time (and in some places and relationships that time is still now) when women are saddled with those burdens, if you live alone cooking and cleaning for yourself are not examples of tyranny. They are examples of being a responsible adult.
It’s important to know how to cook for yourself so that you can nourish yourself. There’s a reason nutrition experts (real ones mind you) recommend the foods that they do (healthy fats, healthy carbs, lean proteins, fruits and veggies, and limiting deli meats). And we all know it’s important to live in a clean environment.
I’m not saying you should never throw some snacks on a tray and call it a meal. I’m all for anything that gets women to appreciate the tastes and pleasures of food beyond seeing food just as calories or points or macros. I’m also all for needing to hit the easy button on occasion because you’re in a crunch phase at work.
What I am saying is that not everything is an example of tyranny. Not everything is a boycott. I think this is important to reconcile because, at least in this case, if we confuse this need for an occasional treat or easy option with a political movement, it could lead people to opt for the Girl Dinner more often than not. Especially in hot weather because they think they are standing up for themselves. When really, depending on the snack plate, they are opting to feed themselves without nourishing themselves.
What Could You Do Instead?
I hinted at this already but just to hit the TLDR crowd, the dose makes the poison. Have your down days and times. Have your easy-button meals, which could include an adult-style Lunchables. But
1) Be mindful of how often you do these things and
2) Know why you are really doing them.
Intention matters, even in “self-care” because when we are getting our self-care on, what we are doing is either coping because we are reacting to overwhelm and burnout, or we are purposefully preventing overwhelm and burnout.
When I work with clients we get crystal clear on what healthy coping strategies are for both daily or "maintenance" self-care and for when shit hits the fan. Because it will.
Determining what is really healthy coping versus what isn’t is not always easy. Do you know what truly works for you? Curious? Click here to book a free strategy session.