This is Why It's So Hard to Make Time for Yourself

Growing up the general rule at school and home was you finished your homework before you played. There were exceptions, of course—recess, a “quick” after-school run around—but for the most part, play was the reward for work. I took that lesson into adulthood, and like so many Americans who have the “Protestant Work Ethic”, struggled to give myself permission to take a break from work and “goof off”.

Leisure or playtime is what kids are supposed to do, not adults right? I mean, unless it’s a vacation or they finished all the tasks on that checklist, right? You have to earn that shit…right? WRONG.

Making time for yourself is not something that needs to be earned. It’s self-care and self-care is not indulgence. I used to make the mistake and confused with play, leisure, self-care, me-time (whatever you want to call it) with indulgence. Not even indulgence, hedonistic over-indulgence.

And if you’re struggling to take time for yourself, you might be doing the same damn thing. So let’s change that, shall we?

Self-Care is NOT OverIndulgence.

Here’s the deal, if you’re like me and most of my clients, if it’s on your daily checklist you’ll for the most part get it done. There’s a daily and weekly list of tasks you have to do in order for your home and work life to run smoothly, right?

And I’m guessing since you’ve read this far that self-care is not on that list. That’s why it’s hard for you to do. The hard part is deciding that it’s not optional and belongs on the daily checklist. Once it’s on the checklist, it’s as good as done.

But take action and put it on the list, you need to decide that self-care or “me-time” belongs there. And that’s where the whole it’s-not-leisure thing comes in.

How do you know if you’ve been considering me-time an indulgence? If you feel guilty, or start judging yourself, you get mad at yourself for taking it or even wanting to take it.

What is Self-Care Then?

To start reframing your mindset, it helps to call BS and you do that by revisiting the definitions of indulgence, me-time/self-care, and even overindulgence.

The Oxford Language Dictionary defines overindulgence as, “the action or fact of having too much of something enjoyable. The excessive gratification of a person’s wishes.”

Indulgence is defined as a luxury or the state of being indulgent. Interestingly, it’s also defined as the state of being tolerant and an extension of the time in which a bill or debt has to be paid. So if it helps, you could think of self-care as being tolerant of yourself and paying the debt you owe to yourself.

But if that doesn’t resonate, self-care itself is defined as the practice of taking action to preserve or improve one’s own health.

You heard it straight from the Oxford Language dictionary, self-care is self-preservation. It’s not optional. It belongs on that daily checklist. And by doing some form of it daily you will better do all the other items on that checklist.

That brings the next question, what forms can self-care take?

Examples of Self-Care

I think one reason we have trouble accepting self-care as self-preservation and not indulgence is that we define self-care by the examples we see influencers post on social media, instead of its actual definition.

If all you see about self-care is that it’s champagne bubble baths and face masks rather than taking 2 minutes to breathe your way through a stressful moment or thinking of 3 things you’re grateful for while brushing your teeth, or getting a 15-minute workout in, then you might chalk self-care up to an overindulgence.

Instead, think of ways in which you need to preserve your health and well-being. If you have kids or have been around them a bit, thinking of ways in which you nourish their minds and bodies can help get you started.

Besides personal hygiene, you encourage kids to have social time and quiet time. You get them moving, and get them resting. You feed them healthy foods and drinks and allow for the occasional treat. You encourage them to explore different likes and interests, and ways to express their personalities.

Why not the same for you?

There are 8 dimensions of well-being. Are you supporting each area at least once a week?

Probably not, and that’s ok! How might you start?

Need some help brainstorming? Book a free strategy session here.