The parents would leave explicit instructions: Who eats what, when. Who works when and where and how. Any rewards that were and were not permitted. Who could and couldn’t watch TV or talk on the phone (pre-text era, mind you). When they had to start getting ready for bed. What the pre-bed ritual was. When they needed to be asleep. What to do in case of emergency. And so on.

It occurred to me, these operating instructions are what I help my clients figure out for themselves. We call it your owner’s manual or handling instructions. Your fancy phone has a manual…and it’s replaceable. You do not and are not.

So we have to develop the skills to write one, so you know how to care for yourself mentally and physically.