Simple somethings or all-or-nothing? This mindset tweak will change your life

If anything less than 100 percent is 0 percent, then why bother?

Rationally, we all know that there are many numbers and fractions standing between 100 and 0. And yet, we don’t live that way.

The most common cognitive distortion is all-or-nothing thinking. This distortion affects how we think and feel about a conversation, event, relationship, and our health and wellness. This distortion is associated with depression, anxiety, hopelessness, disordered eating, and anger.

As it relates to food choices and exercise habits, all-or-nothing thinking is extremely common, and arguably one of the biggest hurdles to truly turning a health activity into a habit. 

You may have heard a colleague, friend, or yourself say something like:

“Well, I already ate the donut, might as well skip my salad and grab a burger for lunch.”

Or

“Might as well finish the bag.”

Or

“I’m going to start exercising again, but when I have time to do it right.

Or

“I can’t do the whole workout so might as well not go and try for tomorrow.”

Or, what about words or phrases like: “good food”; “bad food”; “I was bad today”; “I can never eat just one”; “every time”; “always”; and “no one”?

All-or-nothing thinking can keep us from starting on a healthy habits path in the first place. It can also contribute to a downward spiral or yo-yo effect, as we bounce between “perfect” eating and exercising, and “falling off the wagon”.

I often speak about why we all need to chill out when it comes to wellness, and give ourselves more of a break. You may have heard this described as “self-compassion”.

Self-Compassion

Self-compassion is practicing self-kindness, rather than self-judgment. It’s having the perspective of common humanity, rather than isolation. Meaning, recognizing you Aren’t the only one making mistakes or suffering. Everyone does and is. And self-compassion is honoring your emotions rather than exaggerating them or suppressing them. It’s mindfulness, not over-identification.

Self-compassion can help you break out of all-or-nothing thinking.

How we feel affects how we think, which shapes how we view ourselves and the world around us, and what we are able to achieve. If you routinely tell yourself that you have to do everything or you might as well do nothing, you are setting yourself up for failure. If you are constantly focusing on your mistakes and believing that you are the only one making them, you will never have the confidence to realize your full potential.

No one can do everything. No one can do anything perfectly. Perfect is the enemy of good. Imposing extreme limitations and goals on yourself will lead to stress, and burnout, and could even lead to mental or physical injury. Maybe both.

Start to notice when you use the words and phrases listened above. How do they make you feel? What could you say instead? What is more accurate?

Awareness is the first step of change. Making a conscious choice to think or do something different is the next step after awareness. You have the power to choose your thoughts and your responses to events and emotions. There is a difference between reacting and responding.

Remember, anything is better than nothing. If you ate a donut, acknowledge it and move on. Still enjoy that salad for lunch. If you miss a workout, acknowledge it and move on. Go for a quick walk instead and call it a day. Give yourself a break. Instead of all-or-nothing, try “simple somethings”.

Let me know how that goes. If you need guidance, please reach out. This is an area I support my wellness coaching clients in.