Rarely Get "Me Time" and Feel Guilty When You Do? Here's How to Fix That
It’s been a long string of days, all you want to do is curl into a ball on the couch and binge Ted Lasso or The Diplomat (hell, why not both), because you can’t remember the last time you had a moment to yourself.
But, instead, you freshen up the lipstick, readjust your bra, and stride out (at least in flats now) to meet with friends or co-workers for a social hour. Because you said you would. Because you “should.”
How many times has that happened to you? You’ve wanted solo time but didn’t give it to yourself because you “should” go out.
Or maybe the reverse, you chose sweats and the couch over a networking event or girls’ night out, and couldn’t even enjoy it because you felt guilty for staying in and practicing “#selfcare.”
You’re not alone. Many driven women struggle to balance alone time and social time, along with the rest of their obligations. We are constantly bombarded with invites, notifications, asks, and conflicting desires. It can be hard to find a moment to ourselves, and when we do find it and take it, feel guilty for doing so.
But just because it’s common doesn’t mean you have to settle for it.
Remind Yourself Why
Voluntary solitude is essential for our mental and emotional health. It allows us to relax, recharge, and process our thoughts, emotions, and experiences. It increases self-awareness, empathy, productivity, and creativity.
Relationships and social connections are important for experiencing social support and a sense of belonging. Both are required to live a healthy life. Finding the right mix (aka “balance”) for you is the key.
Renowned psychologist Carl Rogers described the need to balance solitude and relationships as balancing “outward-directed and inward-directed”. Or, in other words, relating and being (Rogers, 1980).
The first step in finding that balance is to remind yourself why both social time and solitude are important. The next step is tying that knowledge into your values and purpose, your “why”.
Knowing that balancing solitude and social time is critical for living your best, healthy life, ask yourself why that matters to you. Why do you want to live your best life? Why do you want to be healthy? Probably because that allows you to feel your best, look your best, experience joy and peace of mind, and spend time with people you care about and on projects that matter to you.
If you don’t connect the goal of achieving balance to your values and purpose, you won’t commit to building consistency in the actions of achieving that goal.
And the next step is taking action.
Take Action
The most important action you can take is to set and enforce boundaries. You can do this by scheduling time for yourself and for your social life. By blocking off times, it helps ensure you will get both. There may be times when you need to reschedule personal time for a work event or a friend’s party. That’s ok. By having it in your schedule in the first place, you are more likely to reschedule that time for yourself than if you hadn’t committed to yourself in the first place.
There will also be times you need to say no to invitations or cancel because you need solitude. That is OK too. Energy management is critical and knowing how and when you best recharge yourself will help prevent burnout.
TLDR
Balancing alone time and social time is not always easy or simple, but it is always important for your overall health and well-being. By following these tips you can start to find the balance that works for you. Doing so will improve your mental and physical health, creativity, empathy, relationships, self-awareness, and more.
You’re alone in this struggle. Helping my clients find balance across all aspects of their life (social, work, and solitude) is what I do. You can schedule a free strategy session here to explore how I can help you do the same.