You’re tired but you can’t sleep, you have no motivation, even your favorite activities (if you can remember what they are because you haven’t done them in God knows how long) don’t even sound fun anymore, you have these weird cravings, you can’t focus, everyone is getting on your last nerve (I mean really, why must your colleague talk so loud), and the word “meh” has become the theme song to your life.
And so now, your greatest fantasy is not setting an alarm on a Tuesday and having just 24 hours without anyone to be responsible to or for. Escaping the drudgery of expectations….the ones you have placed on yourself and the ones others have placed on you.
Sound familiar? You’re not alone. You’re part of the great overwhelm. You might have heard this called “burnout”, which is technically incorrect because burnout is specifically a work-related phenomenon.
But you’re too overwhelmed to care, right? “Semantics shumantics.”
What matters most is what to do when you really just can’t do anymore. Simply put, don’t do anything. Yup, you heard me. When you just “can’t”, don’t. Ok, you might do something but you don’t have to keep “should-ing” on yourself, as they say.
Here are a few big and small ways to do just that. And then a few ways to prevent the cycle from starting all over again.
HIT THE RESET
1) 𝐓𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐚 “𝐋𝐢𝐟𝐞 𝐂𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐭 𝐃𝐚𝐲”
One of my friends uses this expression. When she starts feeling like the obligations of daily life are overwhelming her, she takes a day and lets go of any rules and resolutions she may have set.
For example, she allows herself to buy a new book or two, even though she had told herself she wasn’t allowed to buy any more books until she finished the ones she owned. She allows herself to have a fancy, sugary coffee, or eat ice cream, or skip a workout. Or all of the above. She simply frees herself from the self-imposed “should’s” and lives. This helps her hit the mental reset button.
What would you do if you had 24 hours to do whatever you wanted?
2) 𝐓𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐚 𝐂𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐭 𝐌𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭 (𝐨𝐫 𝐓𝐰𝐨)
Not everyone can indulge in a full day of impulsivity. So here are a few cheat moments you can enjoy. It’s amazing how much better you will feel just being a little rebellious and breaking the rules you’ve imposed on yourself, or that you feel have been imposed on you:
Don’t wash your face before bed. Yup, you read that right. This skincare consultant says that once in a blue moon isn’t going to kill you. You just don’t want to do it regularly.
Skip strenuous exercise for a leisurely walk or restorative yoga. Or just skip it altogether. Again, missing a workout on occasion won’t thwart all your goals.
Skip the stairs and take the elevator.
Leave the dishes in the sink…overnight!
Read a trashy magazine or book, or watch a trashy TV show or movie, anything that gets you out of your head and into something that feels light. Bonus if it makes you laugh.
Let yourself have a good cry.
Don’t respond to non-urgent phone calls, texts, or emails for at least a couple hours, longer if you are able.
Eat popcorn for dinner, or dessert for breakfast, or indulge in some other “non-healthy” meal makeover. You don’t need to hit your macros/food groups/blocks (whatever your diet calls them) perfectly every single time. Live a little. Like skipping your skincare routine or workout, doing this on occasion won’t kill you.
What other rule-breaking moments can you come up with?
PREVENTION
The best way to prevent something from happening again is to understand why it happened in the first place. Brigid Schulte’s book Overwhelmed does a wonderful job of exploring some social and personal contributors to our society’s obsession with the ideal worker, spouse, parent, and frankly ideal human. The expectations that we place on ourselves and allow others to place on us are causing unhealthy stress and leading to this overwhelm (or burnout) syndrome that you’re experiencing.
Integrating cheat moments into your regular routine helps break free of these expectations. Give yourself a break and understand that you cannot do everything at once, nor anything perfectly.
Set realistic expectations for your time, energy, skills, and roles. Identify your values and priorities and let those guide you. Hint, you should be a priority for yourself.
Then convey those boundaries to those around you. One of my friends used to say, “I can’t be bothered to care about that right now.” And I thought that was just a brilliant expression. Not only because of its frankness but because it sets a boundary for her own response to situations. It saves her from getting emotionally invested in things that really aren’t worthy of her time.
Of course, there are some situations and people that you cannot change. No matter how many “crucial conversations” you have with them, the expectations will still be there, and the situations will still exist. This is when recovery moments come in handy. They help you recover from the demands of daily life and a-holes ;). These recovery moments aren’t your cheat moments. They are healthy coping mechanisms like deep breathing, hobbies (𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦’𝘴 𝘸𝘩𝘺 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘺 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦), enjoying nature, meditation, giving yourself a pep talk, asking for support from a friend, listening to music, and yes…exercising and slapping on a face mask!
REMEMBER THIS IF NOTHING ELSE
You’re allowed to unplug from the daily grind. You should. For your own health and well-being, and for those around you both at home and at work. You are allowed to set boundaries to protect yourself from burning out, you are allowed to choose sleep over unloading the dishwasher. You are allowed to choose yourself. And sometimes choosing you means choosing to step away from the world for a beat. Just remember to come back. Because that too is good for you =).
