If only you could unsubscribe from unwanted habits the way you can from unwanted emails. How awesome would that be?! Binging on snack food or Netflix? Unsubscribe. Skipping your workouts? Unsubscribe. Too much coffee, too little sleep, too much booze, too little water, too much pimple popping, too little flossing? Unsubscribe!
Alas, it’s not quite so easy. But it is possible.
First: What’s the trigger?
There’s a reason you started what has become a habit in the first place. For example, there is a reason you continue to choose screen time over sleep. Or choose not to workout instead of working out.
Typically, the triggers are tied to emotions. Like stress, boredom, or fear. Screen time may feel more entertaining to you than sleep in that moment, because of the dopamine hit.
Fear of the discomfort of working out is stronger than the possibility of feeling good afterward.
The fear of what others might think of you for starting that side gig, is stronger than the possibilities you might gain from starting it.
The stress of the workdays makes you choose sleeping in your makeup over washing your face.
Whatever trigger started it, it happened often enough that it became a habit.
Second: What’s the block?
There is a reason you’re struggling to do what you say you’re going to do, or do what you know you should do…and don’t. It’s called ambivalence.
Ambivalence: the state of having mixed feelings or contradictory ideas about something or someone.
I was coaching my business partners on this very roadblock this week. It happens to the best of us!
What's going on? "Individuals entangled on the two horns of a dilemma are so because they’re almost literally of two minds about their situation." (Psychology Today)
Basically, you have a war going on inside of you and each side seems equally logical.
To overcome the dilemma you have to make a decision. You make a decision by understanding your two arguments.
Third: Understand your arguments
Now that you’ve explored why you started the habit in the first place. And you’re aware of your two sides to the decision, you can start to take action.
For example:
Change the "but's to and's":
-I should go to sleep AND I want to watch TV.
-I should wash my face AND I want to go to sleep.
-I should go to the gym AND I want to fall onto the couch and watch Bridgerton.
-I should eat the fruits and veggies rainbow AND I want to eat my weight in Skittles (the candy rainbow).
You get the idea. Now, look at the two sides of each phrase.
The first side is the actions you want to start taking. The second side is the actions you want to adjust (your current thinking).
With the first side ask yourself questions like: “What are some reasons to make this change?” or "Why do I want to do this?" or "Why should I do this?"
For the second column ask yourself how to address these. And consider the emotional triggers that started it. “What do you see as having to change about that?” or “If you were to stop doing this and be successful, how would it feel?” “What are other ways you can address this need (aka trigger) that are more helpful?”.
In the end, you will have a clearer picture of your why and what really matters.
𝘘𝘶𝘪𝘤𝘬 𝘢𝘴𝘪𝘥𝘦: 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘵𝘰𝘵𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘸𝘢𝘴𝘩 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘧𝘢𝘤𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘵𝘤𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘛𝘝 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘨𝘰 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦𝘥 =). 𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘰𝘳 𝘵𝘸𝘰 𝘚𝘬𝘪𝘵𝘵𝘭𝘦𝘴 𝘪𝘴𝘯’𝘵 𝘨𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘬𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘺𝘰𝘶.
Fourth: Track it
A tracker can be super simple. Get a calendar. Pick one habit to start with. Place an X on each day you perform your new habit.
Think of the X’s like a chain. Your goal isn’t to be perfect forever. Your goal is simply each day to not break the chain.
You will. You’re human. So what then? James Clear has a great suggestion here: don’t break the chain twice in a row. The next day, start again. A new chain. Over time, your chains will get longer.
Start with one habit at a time. When that feels doable, add another. Eventually, you will be a chain-making healthy-habits doing machine!
𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘴𝘬𝘪𝘯 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘣𝘦 𝘴𝘶𝘱𝘦𝘳 𝘨𝘭𝘰𝘸𝘺 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘴𝘭𝘦𝘦𝘱, 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘥𝘶𝘤𝘦, 𝘸𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘳, 𝘦𝘹𝘦𝘳𝘤𝘪𝘴𝘦, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘧𝘢𝘤𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨!
