Craving Connection? How to Make True Friendships After 40

My girlfriends and I joke that making friends in our 40s often feels like dating.

And if you’re single, that can feel like one more exercise you just don’t have the energy or skills for…Even if you want the outcome.

But dating for platonic relationships (aka friendships) doesn’t have to be an energy suck. Here are a few ways to make friends after 40, and why you’re craving those connections in the first place.

How

1. Join online to connect offline: Facebook groups and MeetUp groups can be a fantastic way to connect with people in your local area. Look for groups centered around your geographic region, cultural interests, or hobbies. Through the groups, you will be able to meet a number of people with whom you might want to more deeply connect with.

2. Friends of friends: Your friends aren’t just great for finding potential dates. Their friends likely will be great friends for you too, due to sharing of interests. Like attracts like. Co-host a party or meet-up and ask your friends to bring people. Or throw a specific “Bring a Friend” party so the intention is more clear that this is an event to connect with others and expand your social circles.

3. Be a joiner: Sign up for classes or volunteer for community events. This is another way to meet people with shared interests, similar to joining online groups. You’re bound to find at least one person with whom you want to hang out with outside of the class.

4. Start talking: Strike up conversations with people when you’re out and about. Sitting alone at a coffee shop or bar? Waiting in line for something? If you’re next to someone who looks cool, say hi. A conversation might not unfold, but it might! You never know. Several of my closest friendships were made by striking up a conversation at a coffee shop. One was the barista at Whole Foods. Another was standing next to me as we both waited for our Starbucks orders.

5. There’s an app for that: Similar to Facebook and MeetUp groups, several apps allow you to swipe for friends, figuratively or literally. For example, Bumble and HeyVina. 

Remember to stay open and even if you’re nervous, go for it. Ask the person to hang out. Again, it’s like dating. So again, the worse that could happen is they say no. That might sting but it will pass. Because you don’t want to date someone who isn’t into you (for romance or friendship)!

Why

You crave social connection because you’re human. We need it.

Healthy relationships improve:

   •   Life satisfaction

   •   Job satisfaction

   •   Cognition

   •   Mental health

   •   Physical health

   •   Emotional health

Research shows that quality relationships decrease the risk of depression and anxiety.

Quality matters. There’s a difference between being alone and lonely. (More on that another week; stay tuned).

As we get older, it may feel harder to make and maintain friendships. Your work demands change, you might move, or change jobs. You might start or end a relationship. Your partner might pass away. Your friends might start or end a relationship. Kids enter the picture. All of these factors can alter the relationships you had, and the ones you need.

If you’re craving connection, try one or more of these strategies. Be patient and compassionate with yourself. It might take time but it will happen. Have fun with it and just see how many awesome or quirky people you can meet today, and let the rest evolve organically.

Social well-being (meaning a sense of quality relationships and connections to work and community) is an area I coach my clients in. Click here to explore how that support can help you with a complimentary discovery call.