You're Playing the Wrong Game, and It's Costing Your Health
The other day, on live TV, I told Dr. Jacalyn and her viewers that the reason it took me years to finally lose the weight and keep it off was that there came a point when I was ready and willing to do the work. Prior to this, I’d simply wanted the results.
There were also times, I would hit a goal and think OK, great. Made it! I won! Done! And then I’d stop the behaviors that got me to the goal and…you guessed it…I’d lose the progress I had made. I was no longer the winner. I was the “loser.”
Have you ever “yo-yo’d”? Whether it’s weight, a fitness goal, or maybe a meditation practice, a diet, or some other “healthy lifestyle” goal, you’ve probably experienced a similar experience. You’ve wanted the results but not wanted to do the work or you’ve made progress only to lose all the progress you made.
Why? There are a number of possible reasons that my clients and I work on. I can’t say for sure without knowing which one or ones are yours. But, here’s something you might not have considered…you’re playing an infinite game like it’s a finite game.
The Infinite Game
One of the best books you’ll ever read to help you adopt a healthy lifestyle for life is Simon Sinek’s The Infinite Game. It’s also the book you might be least likely to pick up for this reason because it’s geared toward business.
The gist is that there are finite games and infinite games.
Finite games are characterized by:
known players
fixed rules
agreed upon objective
a beginning, middle, and end
clear winner and losers
Infinite games are characterized by:
known and unknown players
rules that are changeable
the objective is to perpetuate the game, or stay in it as long as possible.
so there is no clear winner or loser
Sports are an example of finite games. Life is an example of an infinite game. Business is an infinite game (which makes up 99% of Sinek’s book). There is a sliver in it, however, where he reminds us that healthy lifestyles are infinite games, and we keep tripping up because we are playing them with finite rules.
For example, a friend once asked me: “how long do I have to eat like a rabbit until I lose the weight and can eat normal again.”
The problem with this thinking is that it’s finite. It assumes that once you lose the weight, you will never gain it back, even if you go back to doing what got you to the higher weight in the first place. Make sense?
Living healthily is an infinite game. It only ends when you do. This is why the best coaches, doctors, and other guides urge us to adopt sustainable behaviors. The ones worth their salt will answer questions about “what’s the best…” with “depends, which one will you do?”.
What’s the best exercise? The one you’ll enjoy doing consistently.
What’s the best diet? The eating plan you can stick to.
This isn’t to say short-term goals like “lose 10 pounds before my high school reunion” are bad. It’s simply that that isn’t the entire game. It’s a maneuver within the game. What’s next after that? The next maneuver.
The Infinite Healthy Lifestyle Game
If healthy living is an infinite game…what does that really mean? Well, let’s take a look.
Infinite games are characterized by:
known and unknown players
rules that are changeable
the objective is to perpetuate the game, or stay in it as long as possible.
so there is no clear winner or loser
The known players are you and say your strengths and weaknesses, your habits, your “angel and devil.” Depending on the healthy lifestyle goal we’re talking about, the known players could also be the food industry, the self-care industry, your family and friends…anything contributing to the environment in which you are playing the game and the tools you are using to help you or that get in your way.
The thing is, those things can change. They’re dynamic. Treadmills break, new tempting foods come out, your friends get tired of being your accountability partner, you get a new partner or lose a partner…the environment and the players around you can change. They are known for now and unknown for later. (Plus, you might not have enough self-awareness to recognize all the players currently around you…so there are unknowns even right now).
The rules change. Your hormones change, your goals change, your motivation changes, the way some of those players play the game changes. Take food, for example. There weren’t always addicting processed foods in our food supply. Those were introduced in recent decades. They are new players created by new rules that manufacturers made up to continue playing the game.
And that’s the objective. To play the game as long as possible. You want to play for as long as possible because you want to live as long as possible, at least as long as healthily possible. They want you to play the yo-yo game as long as possible because they want to sell their products as much and as long as possible. Make sense?
How Do You Win?
You don’t win. This is an infinite game, remember. There are no defined winners and losers. You win by staying in the game. That’s not defeatist. It’s not mean to frustrate you, although I can see how it could. It’s meant to help you realize you need a change in strategy. You win by staying in. You win by learning how to maneuver, and respond to changes in rules and players. You win by going, “Ok, hit that goal what’s next?” Rather than, “Ok, hit that goal, now I can stop for good.”
You win by adopting sustainable behaviors that support healthy long-term living, and the ability to do that starts with the mindset of: I’m in this for life. How do I stay in the game?