When to Fire Your Coach. Hint…The Answer is in Your GPS
Are you working with a coach and starting to think, “I’m just not sure I’m getting anything out of this anymore,” or “I’m starting to feel like they’re cash cow.” Or maybe you’re thinking you want to work with a coach but are nervous about committing because you’re afraid of feeling either of these ways.
Ending a relationship is challenging. Here’s how to “fire” your coach, when to do it, how to do it, why to do it. And what you can to prevent some situations that lead to needing to “fire” your coach in the first place.
And yes, as I eluded to in the title, your GPS is a great analogy for navigating this rocky road.
THE GPS ANALOGY
Have you noticed that some people, maybe even you, use GPS alllll the time? Even on routine trips? I noticed that I’d developed a habit of always using my GPS. Sometimes it was because I knew where I was going and one way to get there, but I wanted to “just confirm” or “to see if there is a faster route.”
If I’m being honest, though, it was partly habit and partly because I had gotten so used to using GPS that I really didn’t know my way around enough to not use it. I had become lazy at getting a sense of my surroundings and developed an over-dependence on my GPS. Considering that I used to be the designated navigator on family road trips and have always prided myself on a strong sense of direction, I really didn’t like the thought of losing those skills. And that’s what happens. Like a muscle unworked, a skill unused atrophies.
Sometimes this can happen with our coaches. Our coaches are like a GPS. We do need them, but only to a point. When the coach starts becoming a crutch that stifles your ability to thrive without them, then it’s a problem. Here’s how this can happen and what to do about it.
HOW COACHES CAN STIFLE
There are different types of coaches. And different ways coaches price their services. Some, like me, have set packages that span a set time. The client can renew if they want or need, but there is always an expectation that the client will eventually move on. In fact, my client moving on is how I know I’ve done my job. But not every coach works this way.
Other coaches price by session and there is no set end point. It’s similar to therapy or some personal training services, where the client pays and shows up, pays and shows up, and there is no end date. Even if the coach is not expecting the client to work with them forever, it can start to feel this way to the client.
A friend was recently experiencing this. I told her about my GPS analogy and she said, yes that’s what it feels like. She needs to be able to start stepping up and navigating herself and working with the coach is starting to prevent her from doing that. The guidance was helpful in the beginning but, she said, it’s time for her to really take ownership and she won’t be able to really do that under her current coach-client relationship.
Think of it like this. You move to a new city. You use GPS all the time to get around, help you get the lay of the land, avoid traffic jams, etc. But after some time has passed, you ween yourself off GPS. You no longer need it to get to and from work or to the grocery store or your favorite restaurant. You only use to get shortcuts in case of a roadblock or something, and eventually use it only when going to a new location, say a new restaurant).
In this scenario, the GPS helped strengthen your skills of awareness and navigation, and taught you where important destinations are located in your new town. It didn’t replace these skills, thereby weakening them.
A successful coaching relationship strengthens your skills so that you can eventually wean off them. Maybe you have a check-in on occasion or start up again if circumstances have changed. But the skills are always being strengthened so that you can eventually stand on your own.
The flip side is when we start using GPS so much that we lose our sense of awareness and ownership. We follow unconsciously without discovering where we are, how we got there, or really without a sense of where we are going. In this scenario, the GPS has not taught us anything. It has not strengthened anything. It has replaced us.
An unsuccessful coaching relationship can start to feel like this, even if it initially was helpful. This one sign of when to end a coaching relationship.
HOW TO FIRE YOUR COACH
Even if your coach was initially helpful, you may reach a point where the sessions stop feeling supportive. Perhaps everything has been fabulous and you simply feel ready to move on. In this case, the coach has done their job. Your skills are honed, your direction is clear, you feel confident and empowered, and have accountability structures in place to keep you going. Awesome.
But maybe things aren’t so awesome. Maybe you’ve started to feel like the coach is your GPS crutch and you are plateauing at best. This is definitely a sign that that relationship has run its course.
If the coach operates with a set package, say 3 months then there should be several conversations leading up to that end date to discuss whether it makes sense for you to continue. There is a built-in conclusion or reevaluation. If you feel it’s time to move on, simply let the the coach know that you won’t be renewing. It’s helpful for the coach to hear why, and they will likely ask.
If they are a solid coach they are asking for a few reasons including 1) feedback helps all of us improve, 2) they want to make sure you are truly ready and it is their job as your coach to ask questions that prompt you to inquire about your needs, goals, and readiness for change and sustainability.
If they ask why you are ending services and it feels like they are asking because they were counting on your payments, then definitely end the relationship and run. I haven’t met many coaches that enter our world with this attitude, but I’m sure they exist.
If the coach does not operate with a set package, and simply books ongoing sessions, then there might not be any built-in check-ins. Ideally any coach will routinely ask how you believe your time together is going and whether adjustments need to be made. This can be a great time to let them know what you will not be continuing services. If they aren’t asking you this, it’s a red flag.
Either way, to actually have the termination conversation, do it at the top of the session. Start by thanking them for the skills they have given you and the clarity they have helped you achieve. Then say, “I’ve made a decision to…”. This is important. It comes from a place of gratitude while highlighting that you have used their tools to achieve a final decision. This helps them know you are ready to move on and try pursuing your goals without their regular support. It also states up front that the decision has been made, and you are not asking for their advice you are informing them of what will happen. This demonstrates confidence and strength. It’s setting and enforcing boundaries.
Depending on the situation (and contract), you might give several sessions notice or your decision might be effective that day. Be mindful of whatever agreement you signed when ending services.
WHEN NOT TO FIRE YOUR COACH
I would be remiss if I didn’t make a couple of clarifying points.
The first is that it is 100% OK to continuing working with a coach (or trainer or therapist) for as long as you want, for no other reason than the accountability. If that is what keeps you going, and it’s working for you, then that is great. That is a decision from a place of empowerment and self-leadership. It’s when you feel stifled or like the coach is giving you fish instead of teaching you how to fish that problems arise.
The second is that it is OK if you stopped working with a coach, and then decide you need to return. This is also true for a therapist or personal trainer. Circumstances change, goals change, and people change. You may discover that there is actually a whole other layer of “mess” that you need help navigating. For example, I worked with a therapist about my relationship with food and discovered it was (of course) never about the food it was about all this other “mess”. Eventually, I felt ready to move on. Years later, I discovered there was more to work through and returned. After a few months, I felt ready to move on again.
I’ve done this with personal trainers, various business coaches, and life coaches. That doesn’t mean they were bad, it simply means humans are dynamic and needs changes.
Finally, a reason not to fire your coach is if they are doing their job of careful pushing and it’s hard and frustrating and you want to quit. You absolutely can quit but that probably won’t help you achieve your goals. Their job is to help push you just a bit at a time so you grow. Otherwise, what are you paying them for? You can stay where you’re at by yourself for free ;).