In Start Here, Earl Nightingale cautions against living a “shadow life”, something so many are unfortunately living and don’t even realize it. I’ve referred to this as “slow boiling frog syndrome.”
Nightingale’s term comes from pairs figure skating. The two partners mimic each other’s movements as if one is the shadow of the other. The problem with living this “shadow life”, Nightingale said, is that you are copying the life that you see around you. You are mimicking the life of your neighbors, media, and other influences. You are not choosing your own path, merely following along. You aren’t just keeping up with the Jones’s, you are shadowing them. Mimicking them.
The slow boiling frog term comes from much of the same observation, and carries it further. You are comfortable in your shadow life, even if it feels vapid, because it’s what you see around you and what you know. You are comfortable, not realizing that the comfort is a trap. And so you do not leave; you boil.
Unless, you don’t. What if you chose right now to jump out of the pot? What if you chose not to be a shadow, but live a full, authentic, more extraordinary life?
The Risks of Vapidity
Vapid (adj): 1) without liveliness or spirit; dull or tedious; 2) lacking or having lost life, sharpness, or flavor; insipid; flat. (Dictionary.com)
Vapidity is to be vapid. Read the definition of vapid again. Is that really how you want to be described? Is that what you want for your life?
I imagine not.
Living an “extraordinary” life could be considered the opposite of living a vapid life.
It doesn’t mean you have to win a Nobel or Pulitzer or be on the cover of Forbes or Fortune. It doesn’t mean you have to become famous. It means that you flourish fully. It means you live a life that is by choice, by design. A life that is authentic to you. That your life gives you the opportunity to realize what psychologists call “self-actualization”.
Self-actualization is the realization or fulfillment of one’s potential. It is a core human drive or need associated with well-being.
This is why leading a vapid life, a shadow life, a slow-boiling-frog life feels so uninspired mentally and physically. It prevents you from realizing your full potential. It keeps your from flourishing. It diminishes your well-being.
Breaking Free of Vapidness
It’s never too late (or too early) to break free of shadow living and stop leading a vapid life.
Nightingale said the most important thing anyone can do is ask “Why” often. Ask yourself, “why this life” or “this job” or “this town” or “this house” or…
Stop and question everything. Why are you living where you are living, working in what you are, giving time to what you do.
Answer honestly. You may not change anything, he said. You may find on examination that you are on the correct path for you in this moment. That in itself brings increased gratitude and contentment.
However, you may find that you have been living a shadow life. That your life hasn’t truly been yours and you’ve merely been following the path of others. A path you thought you were supposed to follow.
That realization might bring a mix of comfort and fear. Comfort because you have identified the source of frustration and the sense of what has been missing. Fear because now you are faced with the choice to change.
I hope you choose change. The question is, how to change. Where to start. This is where coaching or counseling can come in. Having someone who is in your corner and can see your situation objectively will help you discover your true path and the first steps to walking it.
