Let’s bring this whole Summer Health & Safety theme full circle and return to mental well-being. I first talked about the Summer blues and how to combat them so you have the energy and drive to get out and make some Summer memories. Then, we explored how to do that safely (sun/UV safety, sunscreen tips, hydration, food safety, and more).
What’s left? Boundaries. As important as social interactions are, protecting your schedule and bandwidth to avoid burnout is also vital. This is especially true in the era of COVID-19 when cases of "Cave Syndrome" are strong. To make sure you don’t go from one extreme to the other (shut in to burnt out butterfly) let’s chat boundaries.
I could sum this all up by saying: Remember, people have to earn your time and your energy.
But I’m guessing you might need a little more than that. So here are a few bits of info and tips to back that up.
What are Boundaries?
Why do They Matter?
How do You Set Them?
What are Boundaries?
First: What are Boundaries?
Boundaries can come in several forms, such as physical, psychological (mental/emotional), or time-related. They are measures you take to protect your mental well-being.
For example: not connecting with co-workers on social media. Not staying out late on a work/school night to ensure you get enough sleep. Not shaking hands with strangers when you meet during COVID-19. Not giving your phone number out to an online dating match until after you meet in person and it goes well. Not getting intimate with a partner until the relationship is exclusive. Not volunteering for all of the school functions. Not going to every event that you are invited to.
You get the idea.
Second: Why do They Matter?
Boundaries protect your resources: time, energy, money…They are vital to self-care. They keep you from depleting yourself, which causes burn out. Boundaries also help you establish your individuality.
People without healthy boundaries experience: increased mental and physical stress, increased financial tensions, increased wasted time, increased relationship tensions. They also experience less autonomy and sense of self.
It’s not hard to connect the dots on this one. Boundaries keep others from walking all over you. When that happens, you don’t feel so hot…? Right.
Third: How do You Set Them?
You first need to get clear on what’s not working, what is working, what you need, and what you can tolerate.
You need to remember that you are absolutely worth setting boundaries and that it is OK to set them and enforce them. Enforcement is key, obviously!
Take some time to reflect on how you’re feeling. Trace what you feeling back to positive and negative behaviors, experiences, and interactions? From there, what do you need to adjust to create a more desired outcome?
Write down your new boundaries and communicate them to the people who need to hear them. They may be accountability supporters, or the people who will be impacted. You can divulge as much or as little as you like. You can do this up front or you can simply start using the word “No” when the next interaction arises. Practice now so it will be easier!
Remember, you do not need to explain yourself or apologize for your needs. You can simply say: Going forward, in order to protect my X, I need to stop (or start) Y. Thank you for your understanding and support. I appreciate you.
Move on. Do not apologize for your existence. Over-explaining or justifying is a form of apologizing.
Finally, set up some troubleshooting parameters. What will you do when you don’t enforce your boundaries? Because it will happen, no one is perfect. Especially in the beginning of a new habit. So, what are the consequences and how will you get back on track? What can you learn from this slip?
Summing Up
Like I said, this can all be summed up as: people have to earn your time and energy. So the next time you feel resistance toward something or someone, ask yourself whether that person or situation has earned the time or energy that you are giving it. Check your boundaries, and move forward in a way that serves you.
