Why You Need to Think Like a ParentTo Achieve Your Wellness Goals
I was babysitting for a friend a few months back. Before she left us to play, she told me all the things: when her daughter usually naps; what she likes at the playground; what and when she usually eats; that she’s in a growth phase…It reminded me of when I would babysit as a teen.
Standard notes for the babysitter
The parents would leave explicit instructions: Who eats what, when. Who works when and where and how. Any rewards that were and were not permitted. Who could and couldn’t watch TV or talk on the phone (pre-text era, mind you). When they had to start getting ready for bed. What the pre-bed ritual was. When they needed to be asleep. What to do in case of emergency. And so on.
It occurred to me, these operating instructions are what I help my clients figure out for themselves. We call it your owner’s manual or handling instructions. Your fancy phone has a manual…and it’s replaceable. You do not and are not.
So we have to develop the skills to write one, so you know how to care for yourself mentally and physically.
How do you do this? Why does it even matter? Let’s start with why.
Why Does This Matter?
We’re the main character in our own story. This is problematic for two reasons:
We miss the perspective and experiences of others around us.
If the story we’re telling ourselves about ourselves is negative…we’re preventing change, self-compassion, and ultimately mental and physical health.
A quote from Brad Blanton’s Radical Honesty beautifully expresses this continuous struggle between our mind’s penchant for creating stories, assumptions, and beliefs; and our actual lived experiences:
“The mind is a jail built out of bullshit.”
In the case of whole-health coaching (what I do for my clients), this jail of BS could mean:
Not eating fruit because you heard sugar was bad for you.
Not eating vegetables because you grew up eating canned as a kid, and think they all taste mushy.
Only eating meat and potatoes because that’s what men eat.
Only eating salads because that’s what women eat to slim down.
Not engaging in strength training because you’re afraid of getting bulky.
Not trying yoga because that’s not masculine.
You get the idea.
To challenge the BS, we have to try new things. You have to challenge the stories we’ve been told and continue to tell ourselves. And you have to try new things to continue to check in with ourselves: what works for me now. Because as age and life evolve, what you need to support yourself evolves as well.
The question is: are you paying attention enough to notice, by pausing, comparing and questioning.
How to Write Your Manual
I help my clients develop the skill of noticing and naming through world- and self-exploration, education, skill development, and mindfulness. This allows them to challenge their stories, discover new things, and find what truly works for them in nutrition, fitness, and more.
It helps them discover what parenting instructions they would write for themselves to hand to a proverbial babysitter. This is becomes their manual. A collection (tangible or not) of the routines/habits/rituals that guide the lifestyle most supportive of their goals. Rather than the routines/habits/rituals that keep them locked in an unhealthy lifestyle, shitty job or both.
For example, one client was being hard on herself because she doesn’t eat breakfast. She “knows” she’s supposed to because it’s the “most important meal of the day.” But she never wants anything and doesn’t want to wake up any earlier to prepare something, even if she did. So she snacks when she gets to work because she feels guilty for not eating breakfast.
After learning that in fact, the research shows she doesn’t have to eat breakfast to lose weight, and experimenting with eating breakfast for a few weeks, she learned: She’s not a breakfast person and no longer has guilt about it.
Another client realized she could wake up a few minutes earlier, and now loves doing it, because it ensures she gets her workout in, which sets the rest of her day up for success. Before, she fully believed she wasn’t a morning person and was hating on herself for not exercising. What she discovered was that in fact, she felt groggy in the mornings because she wasn’t moving enough. Now, she wakes refreshed.
Why Is This So Hard?
It’s hard to try new things because habits are powerful forces. Most of our actions and thoughts are habits, patterns. Not choices.
Fear of the unknown and fear of failure also hold us back from trying new things. Often, we’re intimidated at the thought, because we imagine any change to be permanent. Or we view any failure to be permanent.
Check back Friday for suggestions on simple things you can do to start trying new things and developing mindfulness!