5 Steps to Ease Loneliness
Chronic loneliness increases your risk of premature death by 26% .
Before we go further, let’s define loneliness: It’s NOT the same as being alone. Loneliness is a state of mind, it’s an emotional response to perceived mental or physical isolation. You can live alone and not feel lonely. You can live with a bunch of people and feel lonely. Loneliness is complex and the research is unfolding. But here’s what experts know so far:
Loneliness increases risks of:
- heart disease and stroke
- high blood pressure
- cognitive decline
- depression
- suicide
- poor sleep
- impaired immune function
- type 2 diabetes
- substance use and abuse
The loneliness epidemic in America — labeled as such by former US Surgeon General Dr Vivek Murthy in his 2014-2017 term— was getting worse even before the pandemic really hit the US. The 2020 Cigna Loneliness Index released in Jan 2020 found that 3 in 5 US adults reported they’re lonely. That is a 7 percentage pointing crease from 2018.
And the COVID-19 Pandemic is only exacerbating this problem for many. So how do you combat chronic loneliness as physical distancing remains in place and beyond?
1. GET TO KNOW YOURSELF: Dr. Murthy and Jay Shetty both point out that our ability to connect with others begins with knowing and connecting to ourselves.
Take some time for self-reflection. What do you love, what do you like, what are your hobbies, what are your fears and hopes? What are your values? Often, we get so caught up in the business of life that we forget to get to know ourselves. Our relationship with ourself is like any other, it needs to be nourished.
2. USE TECHNOLOGY: Now that you have a sense of your hobbies or values, use social networking sites to find virtual meet-ups or volunteer events, or online groups to connect you with likeminded individuals. The cool thing is, because they’re virtual, you might end up meeting people from across the globe who can expand your worldview and introduce you to languages, foods, music, and more that you never otherwise would have encountered.
3. MEET A NEED: It’s possible your loneliness is due to a specific experience in your life that you feel you cannot share with the people close to you. In that case, looking for a support group rather than a group of potential new friends might be helpful. There are a number of support groups holding virtual meetings throughout the pandemic to ensure members have the support they need. Search for a few so you find the group that is the best fit for you. A place to start is looking for local therapists/social workers/councilors who are facilitating virtual groups and Telehealth.
4. SELF-COMPASSION: Remember you are not alone. Self-compassion includes: self-kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness. Practicing these three has been found to reduce loneliness. Loneliness is associated with low self-esteem, depression, anorexia, suicidal thoughts and behavior. Look up Kirstin Neff and self-compassion to learn more.
5. REACH OUT IN SERVICE: Lastly, as Dr. Murthy said, reach out in service. He told PBS Newshour that acts of service helped reduce loneliness. This could be checking in with colleagues, neighbors, or friends. It could be sending food delivery to someone who is struggling financially or because they are juggling work and care giving. There are many acts of kindness you can practice. Find the ones that speak to you and your values.